the dorito eater
by TenebrisScriptoris
Summary: this..i..was bored and this..thing was created…i have no idea what to call this, a crackfic? yeah probably. read it for yourself i won't give you a description
1. Chapter 1

Jaspur was special, he enjoyed eating doritos. A jam didn't normally eat doritos so it was weird, one day Jaspur saw peridirt, peridirt looked like a Dorito, "OMFG WHY DAF YOU LOOKIN AT ME" peridirt looked at jaspur, jaspur looked at peridirt, it was a special moment, but not enough to become a shipfic.

Jaspur looked at peridirt with hunger in her eyes, he crouched, ready to jump, but before he could jump lapiss lazulty bit her long cheeto hair. "ERMGERD LAPISS YOU SAVED MEH! MARRY MEH" peridirt had yelled "OF COURSE I WILL MERRY YOU PERI-CHAN" Lapiss yelled back.

Peridirt jumped into lapiss's arms as lapis spreaded her hairs and flu into the twilight. Jaspur was loneleh, lapis had stolen his lunch and she was ready for vengeance.

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

Peridirt and Lapiss where eating cheetos but then jaspur did the thing, where he jumed out of the cheeto bag because he was a cheeto but not the good type of cheeto, he was a cheeto that tasted like yuck. "OMF PERIDIRT WHY U ABANDON ME SENPAII-CHAN" jaspur wailed "FUK UUUUU JASPUUUUR" peridirt then proceeded to slap the shet outta jaspur. "PERIDIRT SENPAII-CHAN WAII U DO DIS TO MEEEEH" jaspur did the other thing where he made his big cheese leggie's flop around so he could escape but he couldn't ecape because lapis grabbed his cheeto hairs "WHERE DAF U GOIN MUDDAFUKA?" peridirt and lapis then proceeded to perform da graceful dance of lief where they fuzed and made PORL. PORL was special because she was a fuzon PORL loved Cheetos and viewed jaspur as a cheeto but not any cheeto, a big cheeto and not one that tasted like yuck. Jaspur flopped out of teh place leaving PORL to be loneleh.

Jaspur didn't get his vengeance, but he will soon. he had a plan, but not any plan a fabulous plan… find out what the plan is in the next chapter.

To be continued…


	3. Chapter 3

Jaspur was still hungry, he WLL eat peridirt. And so he went back inside only to see PORL and so he flopped out. PORL unfuzed and Peridirt and lapis came out exept lapiss fell into the cheeto bag but not any cheeto bag a regular cheeto bag because cheeto bags are life and jams cant suffocate so it was okay…

Peridirt flopped over to the bag and threw lapiss out of the smelly cheese bag. But lapiss wanted to stay inside because it smelled like cheese. Lapiss was secretly a cheese addict because cheese was HHHOT but not really because cheese didn't do the thing where you breath . but the smell of cheese was good and so was her senpaii chan peridirt. Peridirt put her headdy head headphones on. She was listening to her favorite band: 2 directions, it was her favorite band because they where HHHOT and she was a rabbid fanjam. Lapiss was snorting cheese in the backround while listening to bustin jieber. But seddenly someone busts through the doorz.

Who is it? Who will it be? Find out in the next chapter: FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD and other things


	4. Chapter 4

Lapiss and peridirt where minding their own business, but den. Yolo dermond burst through teh doorz. "OMFG PERIDIRT, LAPISS I NED TEH HALPS" Yolo screamed "NUUU FUK U BRUH" Lapiss responded "WHO ART THOU AND WHAI DOES THOU DISTURB MAH SLUMBUR?" Peridirt had just woke up from her slumber. "JUST COME WIT MEH" Yolo dermond sighed, "WAT FUR?" Never teh less, Peridirt and Lapiss joined Yolo on her…."adventure".

"I NED TEH HALPS, JOO NED TO STURT THE FIRES" Yolo dermond said, "OKE" Lapiss then proceeded to rub both of her legs together to start the fires. Peridirt took bread, and then proceeded to burn it "OMFG WAI YOLO WAI DID YOU MAKE MEH BURN IT" Peridirt slapped teh shet out of yolo, even doh she didn't do anything.

Teh fires wur getting teh out of hands, luckileh, Peridirt and Lapiss where waring deir firez proof brahz. Yolo dermond burned to teh deaths. And den Peridirt and Lapiss did the thing where they did the other thing where they laughed at yolo's burned corps.

To beh teh continues…..

 **authors note: ummm, sorry for the delay, :P school really sucks. Enjoy another weird chapter, this is** **basically what goes on in my mind or even "tumblr in a nutshell" any way..yeah. I put two references in here, lets see if you can find them!**


	5. Chapter 5

Jaspur was loosing teh hopes, he had one option… Staven…yes! Staven shall give him teh halps! And so he did the thing where he walked over to the place where staven did the thing where he lived.

Staven's house was nothing but a big rock, there was bread every where, he enjoyed bread, bread was lief to him. He heard a knock on teh doorz. "HELLO STAVEN I NED TEH HALPS" Jaspur suddenly jumped on teh loaf of the breadz "WAI?! WHAT DOEZ THOU NEED?" Staven flipped his handz in teh airz, "I NED YALL TO DO THE THING WERE YOU HALP MEH CAPTURE LAPISS AND HALP MEH MURRY TEH PERIDIRT" Jaspur suddenly wailed "…OKEE…" staven opened teh doorz, "LETS DO THE THING WHERE WE GO". And so they did the thing where they flopped out of teh house.

Peridirt and Lapiss wur doing the thing where they where eating and shit. "THIS SHET IS GOOD" Lapiss suddenly screamed, "I KNU" Peridirt added seddenly, Japur and Staven did the thing Where they burst through teh doorz, Staven took a potato bag and bellowed a war cry as he ran towards lapis, but then he felt a bite on his headz..It was..PORL! "WATDAFUQ?!" Staven snapped, turning his head to where lapiss was..she wasn't there. PORL proceed to eat staven, no not in the wrong way, she litteraly ate staven. Jaspur stared at PORL, and then he did the thing where he flopped back out, getting sudden deja-vu, but he wasn't about to let himself get eaten like staven.

To beh teh continues…


	6. Chapter 6

Jaspur decided to just go to taco bell, his quest was done, he didn't want to eat peridirt anymore. And so, jaspur went to taco bell.

Meanwhile, peridirt and lapiss did da yoga, lapis threw up every where. Peridirt then proceeded to do the thing where she screamed because it landed on her precious Dorito hairz. "WHATDAFUQ LAPISS WHAI U DO DIS TO MEH" Lapiss flopped over to the bathrooms to take the showerz, leaving peridirt to beh loneleh. Peridirt walked over to the katchune where she put the popcornz, but something happened in teh microwave…it summoned the very rare..amptist! "I AM TEH HEARZ TO MAKE UR LIEF MISERABLE AND EAT ALL UR SHIT" Amptist screeched, peridirt just looked at her as if this where normal, "ALRIGHT, WHEN ARE U GONNA DO THAT?" Peridirt asked, "I DUNT KNO, LETS ASK THE WRITER" "WHY? I DON'T WANT TO ASK THAT IDIOT" Peridirt and amptist then proceeded to braek the 4th wall, jump out of the screen and beat the shit out of the writ-OW HEY WTF IS WRONG WIT U GAIS GIT BACK IN THE STORY and so they went back to the story, leaving the malicious writer to decide their fates..

Authors note: Okee, tell me if I should continue this or if I should make another story like this. Im honestly unsure! :P I just relized that pretty much all of my fanfiction has something to do with peridot..


End file.
